Why a One-Way Ticket to Hawaii Changed the Rest of My Life

I’ve always intended to write more here — to share stories, memories, and lessons from the many places life has taken me. And today feels like a good place to start.

Seven years ago today, I flew to Hawaii with a one-way ticket.

That move didn’t just change where I lived — it fundamentally changed how I think about life, risk, purpose, and what it means to lean into a dream.

Why Hawaii?

I was in Maui in October 2018 and thought, “Why not see if there’s a job here?”
I’d been visiting the islands for years. I loved the place — the culture, the pace, the light — and I’d always wondered what it would be like to actually live there.

So I applied for a Director of IT position with Hawaii Health Systems.
I interviewed in November, got an offer in December, and by January 13th, I was on a flight to Oahu with no return date on the ticket.

In hindsight, it feels both impulsive and inevitable.

The Reality Behind the Fantasy

Moving to Hawaii wasn’t easy. I assumed that — and it didn’t disappoint.

The first week, my wife and I stayed in Waikiki while we sorted ourselves out. We didn’t have much; a blow-up mattress was my bed for a while. She had to return to the mainland to pack up our house and get it rented. For almost three months, I lived on the island alone — starting a new job, learning the lay of the land, trying to make sense of routine life while also absorbing all the magic around me.

A lot of it wasn’t fun.
A lot of it was.

And almost all of it was a first for me — the first time I’d taken a leap so big, from Los Angeles where I was born and raised, to somewhere fundamentally different, somewhere beautiful and unfamiliar and full of possibility.

14 Months That Last a Lifetime

Ultimately, I lived in Hawaii for 14 months.
I moved back to the mainland in March 2020 — just two weeks before the world shut down.

The time wasn’t long in the grand scheme of life. But the imprint feels deep.

Hawaii didn’t just influence what I did — it influenced who I am.

• The way I think about work

• The way I approach risk

• The way I eat and dress

• How I talk about culture and belonging

All of these carry echoes of the islands.

Since moving back, I’ve been back to Hawaii three times — and every time, the island pulls a little stronger. I miss it more than I expect.

What That Leap Taught Me

Thinking back over the years and reading some of my old posts from that time, a few themes come through:

Possibility isn’t a promise — it’s a decision.
You choose to look for it, and then you follow it. I didn’t know how it would turn out. I just did it anyway.

Life is as much about what you experience as what you accomplish.
There were challenging days — days when I questioned why I’d made that move. But the mix of struggle and beauty is precisely what made it meaningful.

Home isn’t a place — it’s the story you carry with you.
Hawaii is a part of me now. Everything I do carries a trace of that time — even when I’m back in California.

Is There a Return in My Future?

I’m not sure. Maybe someday I’ll make my way back to Oahu — perhaps even to retire there. But I do know this:

I am grateful for every moment I spent living in Hawaii, for every lesson learned there, and for every opportunity that brings me back.

Mahalo nui loa — thank you, Hawaii — for everything you gave me, and everything you continue to inspire.

Cybersex: A Complete Listening

I have never listened to the entire Cybersex series that I produced from 1993 to 2018 until today. I was organizing my records and cooking and decided to just these play in the background. After all, it is Mixtape Monday. Listening to them was like reconnecting with a old friend. I could recognize this as me but so many years have passed that some of the connections seem foreign. I first came up with the Cybersex concept in summer of 1993. I had been DJing in the LA rave scene for a little over a year. Most of the tapes I had done previous to this one were mainly the standard techno of the day. Most of it being breakbeat techno that would soon morph into Drum N Bass and Jungle. Styles were changing and new genres were being defined. I really got into the Artificial Intelligence series that came out on Warp during that time. Albums by Autechre, Aphex Twin, Mu-Ziq and others were coming out and changing how I was listening to techno. I wouldn’t know what IDM was at the time but I was really falling for this sound. I was buying anything that I felt was different and unique but still danceable. The problem was that I didn’t know how to play these tracks out live most of the time. I would drop a Aphex Twin track here and there (Quoth was a favorite) but a lot of this was maybe to heady for the rave dance floors that I was fortunate to play on. But mixtapes were a perfect vessel for me to try these tracks out and mix them together

The original Cybersex cover art

Around September of 1993 I felt I had a good collection of this style that I could put something together. I took the Cybersex scene artwork from the movie “The Lawnmower Man” and Cybersex was born on October of 1993. I remember placing them on consignment at record stores around LA and was surprised that it was selling well. I was still a relative new DJ on the scene but I think this tape being something a bit different helped it stand out. I got a lot of positive feedback from the tape and then started thinking of number 2. Again I was getting into different music. I had discovered German Trance. Especially from labels like Harthouse/Eye Q. The first side of Cybersex 2 was a dedication to this sound. I loved the melodic take on techno. Side B was bit more like the first Cybersex mix with some Detroit techno influences. The cover was done by a new designer I was using and we trying printing it on using purple inc over some silver paper stock. The tape was purple also and I really liked the way the package came out.I put it out in April of 94. Just 6 months It outsold the first one and I was starting to get know for the trancy music I was playing at gigs.

For Cybersex 3 it was all about the packaging. The mix was more European trance, still melodic but heading more into progressive trance territory. I was always looking at ways to stand out with the production of mixtapes and for 3 I found these little silver anti-static bags that fit the tapes perfectly. I made these silver stickers tat we placed on the bag and also most of the early copies contained a condom. I remember putting these packages together. They were pretty damn cool looking if you ask me. Cybersex 4 was another change in direction in sound. I had recently got into the Goa Trance sound this was one of the first mixes I did in that style. I was actually planning on this tape to be the last Cybersex mixtape. It even says "The Last Mindfuck" right on the cover. This tape came out in the late summer of 1995. I remember this one selling well as it was pushing a different sound..A lot tracks on this came from Flying Rhino, TIP, Matsuri and other Goa/Psy labels at the time. I was pretty proud of this mix. Listening to it again right now it takes me back to that summer.

I thought I was done with the series. I was happy ending it at 4. But around 96 I started working with Ken from Pure Acid on new tapes. This was the first time I wasn’t really producing and selling direct. Ken was buying the masters directly and then handling the production (he was doing a damn good job on the design and packaging) and distribution using his popular Pure Acid Mixtapes booth and direct purchasing through the mail. He was selling tapes all over the damn place now and it was great working relationship we had made. I decided to revive the Cybersex series with tape number 5 in 1999. Again I changed directions and this tape was more focused on melodic breakbeat trance. I really enjoy this tape quite a bit. And with that the series laid dormant for almost 20 years. Then in 2018, I produced a new standalone mixtape with Pure Acid called Alien Arrival. It was the 3rd in a Pay Trance series I started in 1997. I had such a good time doing that project I wanted to do another. The 25th anniversary of the first Cybersex was coming up and I thought a new Cybersex mixtape would be fun to do. I had an idea to focus on Melodic Techno which was a thing and tie it with other elements I also was adding samples and synths into the mix to make it a bit more unique. The idea was stand alone cassette and a 6 pack with all 6 mixes. I had recently located the DAT masters for the older mixes and sent them off to be cleaned up and re-mastered.

Artwork for the single cassette version of Cybersex 25

Listening to Cybersex 25 now, almost 3 years since I recorded really puts me back in that time. In late 2018 I was having a lot of change going on and this tape reminds me of the start of a lot of transition for me personally. I was listening to this mix a lot at the time. It is honestly one of my favorite mixes that I have done. Maybe it is the emotional tie to this period of my life but there is something about this mix that I really love. Listening to them all back to back today was really nice. It really does encapsulate 25 years of musical influences for me. I mean the artist that are on these mixes are just top notch and so influential. Just to name a few we got Aphex Twin, Ken Ishii, Laurent Ganier, Joey Beltram, Orbital, Kenny Larkin, Sabres of Paradise, Juno Reactor, Plaid, Moderat, Stephan Bodzin, Total Eclipse and so many more. To me each tape has its own direction and vibe but they all come together to tell a complete story. We only made a 100 of the 6 packs. We still have a few more and if you are interested in picking one up just click here.

2020: My Year (Part 1)

It is currently Tuesday, December 29th. On Friday it will be 2021. This year has been both challenging and ultimately rewarding for me. I know nothing will change at midnight on Friday but it provides point to ultimately reflect on the past 365 days at the very least.

This time last year I was getting ready to fly from Honolulu to Los Angeles. I was booked to DJ at a New Year’s Eve event in San Diego and I was going to stay about 2 ½ weeks. I was starting my new job at UCSB on January 2nd and flying back on January 18th. There was talk about COVID at the time but mainly as it pertained to the disease sweeping through certain parts of China. Nothing was any different at that moment. On the 5th, we had a Re:Love party at Woodley Park. It was a great time. Got to see some friends I hadn’t seen in a while. I spent the week near campus and my mom came up on the weekend of the 11th so that she can view some apartments with me. I flew home to Hawaii and sat next to a woman named Jesse. I knew she lived in the island because I could see some Trader Joes coffee beans in her backpack and she was flying alone. We sat and talked the entire 5 hour flight back to the rock. She reminded me and still does of an older version of my wife. When we landed my wife picked me up but I made her get out the car and come with me to baggage claim to meet Jesse. You could tell there was an instant bond. I am so grateful to have met her and we are easily lifelong friends. She owns a house in Sylmar and comes back to CA pretty often and in fact we got a chance to have lunch right around Thanksgiving.

Bernard and I DJing at Centered in Honolulu (Jan 2020)

 When I landed, my good friends Bernard and Kathleen were already on the island and been staying with Kim for a few days and when I got home it was time to celebrate Bernard’s birthday. They stayed with us the rest of the week and I had 5 more weeks after they left of living on the island. It was a whirlwind. Between January 18th and March 1st the wife and I had multiple guests come over, which was a good thing because each one of them helped us pack up a bit. Also, during this time there was big festival I was booked for called E Komo Mai (which translates to Welcome in Hawaiian. DJ Dan, Doc Martin, Keoki and a host of others were coming into town to take part. The festival was set up across various venues in Honolulu. I closed it out on that Monday at some dive spot in Chinatown. It was really nice to hang out with my fellow DJ’s. Especially Dan. Love that guy.

DJ Dan, Doc Martin and I in Honolulu for E Komo Mai Festival

But there was work to be done for this move. But I also wanted to take some time to enjoy the island before I moved back to California. To celebrate this upcoming change and move, I surprised my wife with a weekend in Kauai before our big move. This was her first time there and we stayed up in Princeville in the Westin resort. It was the first time in the 14 months I live there that I actually felt I was on vacation. As soon as we came back into Oahu it was down the business of the move. The POD arrived on Tuesday, the movers came on Thursday and helped us pack and move everything into the POD. Friday we had cleaners come and do a deep clean to our rental and Saturday we relaxed in Waikiki. I remember waking up Saturday morning and walking around Waikiki. I knew I was making the right move going back to California. But I also felt sadness leaving. Sunday we were off on our next adventure.

Our friends Tiphany and Calif from Big Island along with good friend Dora. Without these three helping our move would have been a lot hard. Mahalo

This was March 1st. This was when you can see things starting to change. A few weeks prior while I was DJing on the island, I met someone who was from the CDC who was on the island to investigate the first COVID case in Hawaii. It was thought that since this appeared to originate in Asia that it would hit Hawaii first due to the frequent international travel. My first week back on in California was a bit normal, I even DJed on March 7th in downtown LA at some loft. But that second week is where things shifted, especially on campus. There were talks for shutting the campus down doing work and instruction remotely. That quickly became a reality. All of a sudden we were telling students not to return for Spring quarter and working on plans to support our workforce to work and teach remotely. It was a challenge for sure but it was really great to see how the teams on campus supported each other through this.

Home is where the turntable is.

The POD takes time to ship, so were we living in an empty apartment until April 11th. Finally with our stuff in our new spot, our empty apartment became home. At this time, I was being asked about DJing via livestream. I got myself the new Pioneer XDJ-XZ controller and picked up a new camera and started to livestream out of my guest room. That first time, we got a knock on our door from our neighbors. This wouldn’t be the last time. As much as I miss DJing, the live streaming did little for me. At that time there was this big push to make your space that you were DJing and live-streaming in look as cool as possible. Plants, lights, cardboard cut out crowds, green screen, etc. I remember my wife trying to talk me into making our space cooler for the streams, but I told her, “I don’t want this to be something I get used to so I don’t want to invest in this”. I am glad I didn’t. I was over it before I even started it. Instead of DJing I focused on other things. Mainly centered around work. One would think without DJing that I would lose myself. I certainly thought so, but the one thing that Hawaiian taught me was to enjoy the slowness of things. Things aren’t rushed on the island. I was DJing there but not at the pace that I was used to. So when, things slowed here due the pandemic, I felt ok. I didn’t feel the need to DJ to feed my ego. I was ok with letting it go…for now.

 With no gigs, I focused on my day gig. I really love my job. My boss is great and my team is awesome. After the jobs in Hawaii and Oregon left me somewhat damaged, it was nice to join a team and have some balance in my work life. It is certainly interesting starting a new job in a new industry during a pandemic. A lot of what I focused on was just trying to understand why we do things a certain way on campus. A large part of my job is to build relationships between my IT group and business stakeholders. Typically, there would be a lot of in person meetings across campus. That of course did not happen this year. Instead, a lot of Zoom happened. But we managed to get things done. I even was able to get my ITIL Expert certification this year. This was something I have been wanting to do for a long time. One of the things I have come to love a lot about my new job is my office. I was able to pretty much set it up how I wanted. I was able to have little project studio for music work during my off hours. I am just hoping things get back to normal in 2021 a bit so I can really dive into my role here.

I have to say…I really dig my office.

Well, this is a good point to stop for now. I still have so much to write about. I lost a few loved ones and I want to touch on that and pay honor to them. So I will forcus on Part 2 right after the New Year. I have to start packing and moving (yet again, but this time into a bigger apartment down the street)….but more on that in Part 2.

2 Years of Change, Chaos, Bliss and now Settlement

2 Years ago. Might as well be 200 years ago. It feels like yesterday and forever at the same time. 2 years ago, today I was enjoying my last day of a week in Maui with my wife, one of my best friends Tony Gamboa and his girlfriend Christie. It was a great vacation. Spent a lot of time in the pool and ocean, sightseeing, eating good food and even got to see New Order in concert while we were there. Not bad at all. For all of 2018, Tony and I were working as Directors (He as Facilities Director and myself as IT Director) for Golden Shore Medical. Golden Shore was an offshoot of Molina Healthcare who we worked for previously. When Dr. Mario Molina was let go by the board of directors of Molina in May of 2017, he was given first right of refusal to purchase a line of business. He chose to purchase the existing Molina Clinics and rebranded them as Golden Shore. Tony and I loved working for Dr. Molina and we would have easily spent the rest of our careers working for him. However, things weren’t going so well financially and we were in a bad contract with Molina Healthcare (who provided the majority of the patients we saw). We knew there was a chance that we might have to fold. During this vacation there was a feeling that I should start looking now rather than wait for things to unfold. So I started looking on that vacation. I was open to relocating so besides LA, I was also applying in Seattle, Portland, Central Coast and since I was in Hawaii at that moment I decided to look there as well. I mean why the hell not! I have always loved visiting the islands and always wondered what It would be like to live there. So, to make a long story short, I applied for a job as a Director of IT for Hawaii Health Systems, I interviewed and I got the job and from January 2019 to March 2020, my wife and I lived in Hawaii. What a trip. I mean I never expected that as part of my journey. But this is only part of my story of the past 2 years.

My last day of vacation on Maui, 2 years ago exactly. Little did I know then my life was about to turn upside down.

 Now that I have been in Santa Barbara for 7 months, I can reflect a bit more about things. It was such a whirlwind. I was alone on the islands for 3 months before my wife and dogs arrived. That part was very challenging. I didn’t have any real friends on the island at that point so there was a lot of self-reflection going on. I was struggling as I just had weight loss surgery 2 months before I moved to Hawaii. Food was always how I coped with stress and to have so much stress on me without my typical coping mechanism I spiraled down into some depressive episodes. Here I am, living in paradise, but I am alone and pretty miserable. Wow, didn’t see that coming. I think there is this expectation that if you live in Hawaii that it is so beautiful that how can someone be sad there. Well you can, and I was. I can see it more clearly now that I needed to go through this. I needed to be miserable in paradise. I get it. It was an amazing life lesson. The perception and the reality didn’t match. I had to learn how to live with that. To understand that there is more to this than just moving to Hawaii and starting life over. That just because you have the ability to run to a beautiful island that while it does shake things up for a moment, when the dust settles, the same issues are still there and those need to be addressed no matter what the location. Sometimes though, it takes for one to remove everything from their lives to figure out what exactly what you need.

My going way party at re:love in the park. A wonderful day.

 The job in Hawaii was a big disappointment as well. Well, looking back I can see why. I wasn’t looking at the opportunity for career growth and knowledge. I was looking at the opportunity to move to Hawaii. Those are 2 different things. The position paid very well and it had great benefits as I was a state employee. The work wasn’t difficult but it also wasn’t’ challenging for the right reasons. I worked in an old hospital behind Diamondhead. I had a tiny office but a great view. I could see all of Waikiki from where my team sat. It was stunning. But the work wasn’t fun or rewarding. I was ready to make another move to another position pretty quickly but the challenge was to remain on the island for at least a year. I owed that to my wife. So, I needed a remote position. I reached out to a company in Oregon that was a vendor to us when I was working at Golden Shore and a lot of my staff ended up working there. There was a manager position open but it was a for a team that did Data Conversion work for EMRs. I knew very little about the work but I knew how to manage people so I figure I might as well try this out. This job was the complete opposite. I was challenged from the get go. I had to quickly find my footing. I knew immediately I really liked my team but there were some personality conflicts with executive leadership and those on my team that was beyond repair. All I could do is try to protect my team, stand up for them and set expectations correctly. I was working 10-12 hours days. Since I was getting up at around 5am to start my day due to the time difference between Honolulu and Portland.

The parking lot of my old job at HHSC which was located at Leahi Hospital behind Diamond Head.

 After my first week I was talking to my boss and we agreed to give it 3 months and see how things go. She made the caveat of, “unless I get my dream job”. Of course. How could anyone deny you taking your dream job. So, we shook on it. And it was going ok. Then on a Friday evening in the less than 2 months later in August, my boss calls and suggests a virtual happy hour. I pour a glass of whiskey and jump on a call with her. She lets me know that she landed her dream job and was going to put in her 2 weeks. So suddenly I felt alone on an island again. She was a great support system for me as I navigated around unknown waters in this new position. As soon as she announced her departure, I was given more money. I knew what that meant. I was about to have a lot more work piled on me. I felt the urge to get the fuck out of there. So, I started looking for work on the islands. I met some recruiters and they easily got me in for some interviews at Queens Medical (which is the largest medical group on the islands). I was on my way back to LA on August 15th to spend some time and also DJ. The day I took off I received an offer to work as a Project Manager on some expansion work. It was 6-month contract which would could be extended. For me this was perfect, it got me out of my current position, kept me on the island for 6 more months and then I can try to look for something back mainland. During my trip to LA, I had planned to fly to Oregon so I can visit my team and took this as an opportunity to give my 2 weeks in person. Well I resigned, I was countered, I still decided to leave. One of my employees wrote a very impassioned letter to my leadership about me leaving and the current situation. That weekend I was reached out to by the CEO of the company. She let me know that they would make any reasonable accommodation for me to consider staying on. I wrote down a list of requirements that I would need to stay on and they met every single one. Wow. I wasn’t expecting any of that. So, I turned down the contract in Hawaii and kept on plugging away at my current job.

During our last week as residents of Hawaii. Although we both feel Hawaii will always be home but Santa Barbara isn’t a bad place to be. And to be honest I like the weather better here.

Then a little over a week later, UCSB contacts me about a position that I applied for. I have always wanted to live in Santa Barbara and my mom and aunt have both worked in higher education during their careers and there are some clear benefits in working in the UC system. Again, another long story but here is the gist. I applied. It took 3 months and 3 interviews. They flew me out in November for an in-person interview. I fell in love with the campus, the team, the culture and the area. I flew back to Hawaii and awaited my offer. I finally got the offer a few days before Thanksgiving. There was a bit of back and forth and I had to do a pros and cons list. Ultimately, I left it to my wife. She didn’t want to leave Hawaii but she also didn’t want to go back to LA. She was over it and I can understand why. LA to me was always home though. We had both thought about retiring in the central coast though. That is where we got married and we loved the area. I gave her two options. We take the UCSB job and move to Santa Barbara by March 1 or we can stay in Hawaii for a few months but move to Portland or LA. She knew my choice but I wanted to make her a part of this, her choice would be to stay in Hawaii (at the time) but she knew that wasn’t really an option. Luckily for me and us, she chose wisely. After Thanksgiving I put in my notice. I gave them 4 weeks so I could tie things up and also I arranged to start in person on January 2nd at UCSB for 2 weeks and then fly back to Hawaii to do the whole move while working remotely for 6 weeks.

Home.

Then there was our home in San Gabriel. We put it up for rent when we moved to Hawaii and our tenants were great at the beginning and then in summer things turned. Although we had a property management company, I found being a landlord very difficult especially doing it from 2500 miles away. The tenants also wanted to get out of the lease so it worked to our benefit to allow it. We decided to put the house up for sale in February of this year and quickly got multiple offers. We selected a buyer and worked on getting the house ready for sale. On top of that I had to find a new place for us to live. When I was in SB in January I took some tours of some properties. Like Hawaii, it was very difficult to find a spot that would accept dogs. However, I found one about 5 min from campus. It is a new community and the amenities and grounds were very similar to the condo we rented in Hawaii Kai. So, we bit the bullet and we had our spot ready for a March 7th move in. The first week we got back the wife focused on moving the stuff in our garage out and I stayed in Santa Barbara and got things ready. Finally, on March 8th, my dogs, my wife and I moved in to our new spot in Goleta. Whew!!

And then COVID hit. Great. We closed on house on March 13th. The next week everything locked down. I am so grateful that we were able to close prior to the lock down and it appears we moved in the nick of time as well. Since then it has been crazy. I am sure it is crazy for you and I won’t bore you with the details. This post is long enough already. The main thing I wanted to convey was that this was 2 years of chaos. Ups and downs and sideways. It feels nice to finally feel settled. Even in the midst of a pandemic and our normal lives are now altered forever in some way, I still feel like I am settled and that is a nice feeling. Despite the political bullshit, the economic crisis, the lockdowns and the lack of social activities, I feel at peace finally. My wife, my dogs and I are happy and settled. I plan on keeping things this way for a while.

Dance Culture Vibes Episode 5

I was recently interviewed for the Dance Culture Vibe podcast. The podcast is hosted by Sam who is from Australia but has been in LA the past several years. His podcast is focused on origins of the scene from all over over the globe. We had a great conversation regarding the early 90’s scene, how drugs impact the vibes at events, eastside vs. westside events in Los Angeles and a whole let more. Take a listen below.

https://podbay.fm/p/dance-culture-vibe/e/1597752005